glow...

So tired. Of waiting. Of looking. Of hoping. For what? Signs? Omens? Some sort of ecclesiastical epiphany? I set a goal for myself... As it creeps ever quickly nearer, the claustrophobia increases. I'm not convinced that I'm ready... Ready for the change. Ready for the severances. Ready for the inevitable heartbreak.

Still I wait... For a call. A letter. A word. Yes. What is it that I'm doing that is so wrong? Panic has come and passed. Now I am left with discouragement. Exhaustion. Utter belittlement. I don't know what else I can do other than sacrifice my own dignity and integrity. You would think a top 30 university would secure a place in the real world, the professional arena, the den of wolves. You would think...

I refuse to give up. Giving in isn't an option. Never have I been a quitter... Now is not the time to start. I will succeed. I will succeed. Thus is my mantra. I am better than that. I've worked too hard to be less than that. Why doesn't anyone else see?

Give me peace. Give me understanding. Give me patience. Give me clarity of mind. Give me hope, courage, determination .... faith.