gravity...

There's a part of my heart missing... I've left it behind. I was foolish to think that I would be able to function without it. How I couldn't see then what I'm feeling now, I have no idea. The physical heart wouldn't be able to function without the right ventricle, or the aortic valve... This is the same.

I miss you. I miss how you make me laugh, even when I'm sad or when I'm determined to be angry. You have that indelible way of finding that one thing that will tug at the corners of my lips. A tickle, a joke, a kiss. I miss how you know everything about me; you know when I'm frustrated and trying so hard to hide it. You know when I'm keeping a secret, but you don't tell me, so it's not ruined. You're happy when I'm happy, and you celebrate my accomplishments...even the little ones. You take the bad times and find a way to turn them around, you dig out the positive and set it on top. You know how to push my buttons and you break into a smile when you succeed. You teach me new things; you're always trying to help me learn. About the world, about life, about love. You always have faith in me, even when I don't have faith in myself. You think I'm beautiful.

I have such high expectations of you; they may not be fair. You've always been the bigger person, the better person, the forgiving person. You've never given up on me. I think back on my college career and I see you... From the first meeting at the foot of the steps at the bar....to kissing you goodbye that last morning.

Have I found what was looking for? What I left in search of? What I was so convinced was waiting for me? I don't know.... I found lessons. I found experiences. I found friends... I found you. Now I can't imagine my life without you; I wonder if you still feel the same.

A year ago, I set a proposal before you, jeweled with sapphires and diamonds. I can't help but wonder what life would be like now had you answered differently. "Yes" instead of "not now". I was so nervous; so many questions, so many uncertainties... Except for one. You.