patience...

it's safe to say I have the itch... the baby itch, I mean. I thought it might take a little longer to kick me in the gut, but low and behold I'm seeing babies everywhere and I can't take my eyes off of them and can barely resist wanting to reach out and snuggle every single one. I've got baby on the brain like I never knew was possible and all of a sudden I know what everyone else means when they say "you'll know when you're ready." I find myself jealous of others who are expecting; wishing that that expectant joy could be my own. It's exciting and frightening and nerve-racking and blissful all at the same time. I can hardly begin to describe the emotions that run through me just at the thought of one day welcoming a new life into the world that I helped to bring into being... It's amazing to me to think that, even though there are no signs as of yet, my body has everything necessary to create new life. The human body is a truly magnificent creation.

Yesterday, Father's Day, we spent some truly memorable moments with our extended family at my grandparents' house, and it was such a delight to see my nephew (just over 1 yr old) and my cousin's 2 little ones (4 yrs and almost 2 yrs) all playing together in the front yard. To see my nephew watching his older cousins, giggling and frolicking in his unsteady 1-yr-old way, sometimes his own feet getting ahead of him and inevitably tumbling to the ground in a loss of balance, was just pure joy. They really have not a care in the world and were just excited to be right there in that place and time enjoying the fresh air, the company of one another and the luxury of their endless imagination. I could watch that interaction for hours, mesmerized by the mystery of what their little minds hold - what they're thinking at every moment.

I have always been a planner.... I do my research, I find what I like, I learn answers to my questions and I store it all up until it becomes necessary. Already, I'm foraging for information about pregnancy, symptoms, proper diet, nutrition and exercise, nursery decor, etc. I'm not even pregnant yet, but the fact that I'm concerned about how to change my antique, marble-topped dresser (that I refuse to get of and so must find  a way to re-purpose) into a changing station might be a sign that it's on my mind. :) All my research may in fact be working against me because I feel like I'm imagining all the symptoms I've read about. Thankfully I have a realistic husband and a patient mother who are both tolerating my silliness at this point...

But it is indeed so very exciting. I can already tell I'll have a very hard time keeping my little secret a secret when I do finally have a secret until the 'suggested' time that it's safe to spread the news. For now, I just have to wait for that secret.....patiently.