donor...

It's amazing to hear the medical feats that are happening every day when it comes to people's lives being changed by transplants. I think it's even more poignant when you know that someone could be walking around today due to the donated organs of a loved one. Just reading an article on CNN's U.S. page about a boy returning home after a successful heart transplant makes me think about whether my father's organs were able to change someone else's life. It's strange on the one hand to think about someone walking around with my father's eyes, his skin, his bones; a morbid reminder that his death was necessary for someone else's life. But it's amazing at the same time...to think that even in death, he is affecting people in such a momentous way.

I can't help but feel emotional with Father's Day approaching this coming weekend. Every once in a while, completely at random, I'll flash back to that day...that moment when my life so drastically and unexpectedly changed. More often than not, I'm still moved to tears or at least the threat of tears and I wonder when that will end if ever. Unbeknownst to anyone but my husband, I visited my father's grave site a month or so ago and simply found myself kneeling in the grass beside his grave crying, talking, praying. There are days when I miss him so very much, overwhelmed by anger and confusion and questioning why it had to happen. Then there are days when I feel like I'm forgetting him; his face, his voice, his laugh. Those days scare me because I never want to forget...

And then there are days like today, where after reading such a moving article, I wonder if I'll ever know the extent to which my father changed any number of lives.