hope...

Vacation definitely has a way of just making you forget everything and think of anything all at the same time. I just returned Sunday from a fabulous break from reality on the beautiful azure coast of Cancun. With hours spent by the pool, drinking up every ray of sunshine and luxuriating in the peaceful, playful crash of waves and melodic songs of exotic birds, it was certainly time well spent in so many ways. I set a record for myself by reading more books in one week than I'd ever done before. I enjoyed enlightening conversations with my in-laws and romantic honeymoon-reminiscent dinners and evenings with my wonderful husband.

One seemingly epitomizing event out of the whole vacation, however, stems from my own self-reflective, spiritual experience. We pampered ourselves with an afternoon spa indulgence at the resort next door and I found myself relaxing on a level never experienced before in the quiet, heat of the sauna with the gentle zen tones emanating from the gently illuminated walls and the minty lemongrass incense permeating every pore. As I laid there, wrapped in my towel, my mind was suddenly flooded with the thoughts of everyone I know and what I want for them. How I want happiness and content for my mother, possibly someone new to come into her life and share her experiences as a grandparent as she gets older. How I wished my brother's wedding to unfold exactly how they are planning it and that they enjoy a lifetime of bliss and that my mother truly enjoy her first tropical, international experience and that she get to embrace all that she's wanted to do for her whole life. How I hope my other brother and his wife have more children and that their son Henry will continue to grow into the strong, brilliant young man I can see him becoming, so perfectly fitting into the shoes of his grandfather for whom he's named. How I hope my own body would be ready and capable to bring forth the children my husband and I so desperately want. How I wish my grandparents would live long enough to see many more great-grandchildren enter the world and see their most valued traditions and beliefs passed on to yet another generation. And overall, how I hope my father, sitting in the glowing richness of heaven, could look down on all of us and know, despite how our hearts long for him, his voice, his laughter, his wisdom, his ceaseless knowledge of the most random facts, his strength and courage, that we are all okay and that we will never forget him. I found myself praying all of these things, overwhelmed by the sense of calm I felt washing over me. It was like a vacation from my constant worries and questions.

Vacation is such a perfect time to not just unplug from the world, but more importantly plug into the things you so often take for granted. I'm sure as I dive back into my work, the drudgery of everyday menial tasks like laundry, cleaning, pumping gas, grocery shopping, I'll forget about this peaceful, spiritual moment now and then. But I hope that I won't allow myself to wait for another day in a sauna to let myself relax like that again because who knows when that will come around.