step...

I'll forewarn that this is just a rant; it's been building for a while, and chances of the focus of this rant actually first reading it and second understanding all of what I'm about to unleash is more than likely unlikely. If the unlikelihood of the unlikely becoming likely in turns comes to pass, I stand firm on the following rant and refuse to apologize because it all needs to be heard...

Whoever coined the phrase "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all" was certainly a giant among men. The line itself has withstood the test of time, taking form in various media including (only because it sticks out in my mind at this very moment)the Disney film of the mid 20th century - Bambi. The rambunctious rabbit, Thumper, turns his nose up in disdain at the clovers offered for dinner by his mother. At his wayward exclamation of distaste, his mother chided him with this fail-safe mantra.

So, all that said, the simplest and most forward thing I cant help but say is Grow up! Literally and figuratively nitpicking every person's intricate flaws, accidental or repetative, is only going to further the scrutiny with which those people view you. A mistake is a mistake and a flaw is a flaw. They happen every day, and somehow people all around the world continue to go on with their lives. However your trend seems to follow as such: the more other people's flaws are magnified, the smaller your own will become?

Due to the more recent unfolding obstacles that this chapter in life has thrown in the road, you've seen fit to make the world tip-toe around you as though on eggshells, like one misstep, one wrong word, one slip of the tongue will somehow send you reeling into uncontrollable depression, self-loathing and internal destruction. Having read that chapter, and effectively been the main character myself, I can honestly say it's time to move on. It's time to turn the page. It's time to wake up to the reality that the world isn't constantly monitoring every single move made... It will if you continue to silently ask it to. Your lack of self-worth and respect for anyone else included is only attracting more attention. If you were to repose into the comforting throws of normalcy, health and acceptance, the world wouldn't look so cruel.

It's time to stop fighting. It's time to stand up for yourself, own your insecurities, your imperfections, your past - it is who you are and no matter how desperately you try, that will not change. It won't go away, it can't be erased or smeared into a state of unrecongnizable oblivion. You are who you are because of your past. With that, you can choose to move forward or forever remain in a hanging balance of inevitable purgatory. If you cannot go back, the only direction to go is forward.

I've offered my help. I've offered my advice, my personal story, my own pain, anguish and ugly past in an effort to somehow ease your suffering. I'm realizing, however, much like trying to clear brush away from the ground, there is always dirt under the surface. Dirt can never be wiped clean. If you're comfortable in your own suffering - if that suffering has somehow become some sort of sadistic safety net that you cling to for comfort as the only thing you know - it will be that much harder to drop it and walk away.

Stop trying to remove the sliver from your neighbor's eye when there is a plank in your own.