Swaddle

Staring down at my beautiful baby boy in the early morning's silence while he nurses is one of the most peaceful moments of my day. I understand now why so many mothers say it was their favorite time when their children were young. Its a peaceful respite in what can sometimes seem a rather chaotic and harried (yet wonderful) chapter of life.

I play classical music, often hymns, on my Pandora radio on my phone and just quietly think. The mind has a lovely habit of going its own way from one thought to the next. As I sit and listen to my son's quiet breathing and feel his tiny fingers on my skin, I marvel at what it truly means to be a mother;  to literally provide life-sustaining nourishment and to have such a small life so dependent on me.

I think about my own mother and my new connection to her. Now I understand her emotions, her fears,  her prayers. I find myself constantly pleading for just a healthy, strong boy. I see such sadness and heartache in the world today and cant imagine the suffering some families endure.

And as always, my meandering thoughts settle on the absence of my father. I often find myself wondering if he's watching and talk to him as though he is. It saddens me that my son will never know his grandfather,  and I'm curious as to when I'll be asked where he is.

But most of all I marvel at this beautiful little being in my arms; how every inch of him is just perfect from his tiny little toes to the lovely lashes shading his eyes and everything in between. His quiet breathing is one of the most calming sounds and it brings me joy to just watch his tiny lips curl into sleepy smiles.

We are so blessed and I'm so thankful, humbled and proud.