FUN.

It's amazing to me how music can inspire so many different thoughts in just a matter of a few moments. I sit here watching the Grammys - watching FUN. perform their song "Carry On" in front of a crowd that far exceeds the people filling the seats in that California auditorium, and those words somehow infiltrate every thing that is possibly on my mind in one fleeting moment.

"If you're lost and alone
Or you're sinking like a stone
Carry on
May your past be the sound
Of your feet upon the ground
Carry on "

Like a photo book or a silent film, thoughts flash before my eyes of my past, my present, my future...my dreams, my regrets..everything. I think of my father, his many lessons that he taught me and the many, many things I wish I could still say to him, the conversations I wish I could still have with him, the embraces I want to give him. I think of the children Dan and I so desperately want and the struggles we are going through, our future as parents, our future as spouses.  I think of my dreams to be a published author, to pursue these dreams that have embedded themselves in the depths my heart since the awkward moments of childhood when I suddenly realized that I had a gift, to experience the scintillating nuances of success...of achieving.

I am not alone, and I'm not sinking like a stone, and yet I want to prove to the people around me that I am better than what I am...that I have so much more potential than what I do day in and day out...that I have the ability to amazing. Only those closest to me know my passion for words, for writing, for creating a story in a world that is far removed from my own and yet draws so many parallels.

Life is not without struggles, but I tire of the ones that populate my life on daily basis... I want to be free of these worries and I want the people I love the most to be free of worry too. I want to be rewarded with happiness; with joy; with ease; with understanding, wisdom, and contentment.