want....

I hate how easily I can let my thoughts, my emotions, my head get to me. It could be the most mundane, absolutely dull day, and I have a thousand thoughts running through my head about a million different things.

I've learned to admit to myself that I'm a control freak. Even when I don't want to be in control of something, if I have the least bit of input, I find myself wanting to take over and do it all for the fear that it won't get done.

I'm also afraid that this plan I have... this decision I've come up with... is biting me in the ass. I'm worried that I'm making something out of nothing, but in more ways than one if that's even possible. I'm worried that my plan will completely back fire and I'll find out something I really don't want to know, and my life will come to a screeching halt... Or, my plan will go as I see it going, and my life will spin out of control because I will have no idea what steps to take from there.

I'm at a loss. I am lost.