Autumn...

Today is the first day of fall. It's going to be my first New England fall in five years. I'm excited in a silly, nostalgic way. I see the leaves changing, pumpkins on display at local stores, cornstalks and scarecrows gracing neighbors' doorsteps. It all wells up inside me, conglomerating into an inexplicable giddiness - as though in the next moment, I will - unrestrained - throw myself into the nearest pile of dry leaves and roll around in the sweet smokiness.

At the thought of New England fall, my mind immediately regresses to those afternoons spent at Foppema's shucking Indian corn, dusting off gourds, and sipping on sweet mulled cider, the crisp bite of a chilly Autumn breeze meandering through the farmstand. I think of early sunsets, fresh apple pie, chrysanthemums and haybails.

This fall will be different - new. This fall I have someone's hand to hold. I have someone to take long car rides through the rambling roads, gazing at the beautiful cascades of color. I can actually look forward to teh omenous winter - the only saving grace being that I won't be alone snuggled up with a steaming frothy mug of hot cocoa.

Nostalgia has its place; its reign; its comforts. Thoughts of old friends and lost friendships creep in and damper the soul a touch. The urge to pick up the phone and entertain a long conversation revolving solely around flannel shirts is nearly insatiable. People - like the seasons - change. We can only embrace the beauty that promises to unveil itself in the season to come.

smile

"Right now we're just a chapter, but I hope we'll be a long book." You amaze me.I sit here and wonder how I ever got so lucky. What I did to deserve this... Every day feels almost like a cliche because I can't imagine anything better. Comfortable to be myself; to unfurl; to whisper the things I've kept hidden for so long.

I had no idea I could feel so complete...

blister

So this morning, I woke up and underwent the same routine I always do on the weekday. I rolled out of bed, washed my face, gave the cat her morning treats so she'd stop following me around meowing incessantly. Most days I'll try to make lunch the night before, but this was not one of those days, so after standing in front of my cabinet staring at my selection of various pasta sides and pasta ronis, I finally pulled down a box, followed the directions and started that to cooking. After that was all set, I moved on to my morning cup of coffee. Every morning, I make myself a cup of coffee. Every morning it's the same routine... But something went terribly wrong this morning.

After pouring in the water, measuring in the correct amount of delicious caffeine, and turning the machine on, I checked on my pasta once more before running back to my room to continue getting ready - get dressed, do my hair, make sure my work bag is packed. When I realized my cat needed some fresh water, I grabbed her bowl and returned to the kitchen to find a brown watery mess creeping along the counter top and spilling onto the floor. My coffee maker was hissing and clogging and coughing, steam pouring out of it from all sides and orifices. Without a better idea of what to do, I grabbed the whole thing and attempted to put it in the sink - after turning it off of course. Well, the chord was wrapped around the dish-drying wrack, so the machine got caught, and in the process of moving it, I managed to splatter much of the burning-lava-hot coffee/water concoction all over the floor, and my bare feet. Holding in a few choice words, I quickly made work of my roll of paper towels feverishly trying to clean up the mess of water and coffee grains, which to anyone who doesn't know, get everywhere!!!!!

Meanwhile, I'm trying to keep an eye on my pasta so it doesn't either boil over or stick to the bottom of the pan. No one likes burned pasta. In the midst of this, I still haven't given the cat fresh water, and she's perched on the kitchen table meowing for her morning bowl of ice water. Yes, ice water. She's spoiled, I know.

Ten minutes later than I usually do, I dashed out the door without my cup of coffee and a burned toe.

Happy Friday everyone.

breathless

I didn't think it could be possible but my smile gets bigger every day. Amazed. That my life could do such a complete 180. That one person could make such a difference. That everything before is just a fog, just a cloud that hovers in the back of my memory.

When I'm with you, I feel complete. Happy. Comfortable. Beautiful. Accepted. I see in your eyes everything I've always longed for, but never had. I see things I convinced myself I'd never want. You're changing the way I view the world...the present...the future...even the past.

I thank God every day I'm with you that I met you. That I decided to go. That I wrote back with hardly any expectations. "Love always comes when you least expect it; when you're not looking for it." I wasn't looking, but all of a sudden here you are, and I can't imagine my life before you.

You make me speechless.